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Taking the Upset Out of Upheaval by Mary Jane Mapes, CSP Like it or not, we're all in a constant state of change, and it's how we come to those changes, not how they come to us, that will determine our future. It's one thing to understand this intellectually, and it's quite another thing to really know it. Probably the greatest teacher for me has been in watching how other people responded positively to what I considered "very upsetting events." Observing them, and the peace and joy they experience in their lives, has caused me to want to know what they know. Several years ago, Clare, an acquaintance of mine, learned she had cancer. As a result of chemotherapy, her hair fell out in clumps, leaving her completely bald. A large picture of her, smiling as she was being fitted for a wig, appeared on the front page of the newspaper. At the time I thought, "My, what a brave face she's putting on!" Over the years, I've come to realize that her smile was a genuine reflection of who she is. Clare doesn't always feel self confident (as confidence comes from knowing we can do), but she is one of the most self-accepting people I know. Self-acceptance comes from knowing who we are, and Clare is definitely clear about that. She knows how to take the upset out of upheaval and spread joy, even in, what most of us would call, "the worst of situations." Clare accepts; she doesn't resist. It's natural to resist that which we find unpleasant, whether it be a person we don't like, a feeling we find uncomfortable, or a change we don't want. And what we usually discover is that the more we resist, the more the unpleasant thing persists. The moment we choose to accept "what is" as simply what is, we free ourselves to be open to creativity and energy. When we choose acceptance, we have made a choice. Where there's choice, there's energy, and where there's energy, there's life! And Clare knows that. Clare's mind-set is one of victor, not victim. As far back as Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, we find human beings who refused to accept responsibility. Adam blamed Eve, and Eve blamed the serpent. Lorena Bobbitt blamed her abusive husband for mutilating him, and the Menendez brothers blamed the parents they shot and killed for their very murders. First female B-52 bomber pilot Kelly Flinn blamed a flawed military system of punishment for her discharge from the air force, and according to Time Magazine, she "reasserted that Marc Zigo was to blame for her downfall." How easy it is to cast blame elsewhere, seeing ourselves as victim. But, have you noticed that you can never find a joyous victim? Clare, on the other hand, even in the throes of the worst of her disease, spent her time giving thanks and praise for her life and everything in it. "This is my year for cancer! Thank the Lord for what this disease can teach me; thank the Lord for every blessing He has bestowed upon me." And Clare has been blessed and continues to be blessed. She has been blessed with a clean bill of health for several years since the cancer first appeared and was surgically removed; she has been blessed with a loving husband and five wonderful children who adore her; she has been blessed with a plethora of friends who find her simple presence a joy and inspiration. Clare never thinks or acts like a victim regardless of her circumstances because she knows that she is and always will be a victor! Clare trusts; she doesn't doubt. It has been said that we are either living in fear or we are living in love. Fear brings upset with upheaval. Love brings calm and assurance. By walking in love, we have chosen to walk on higher ground, trusting that we are exactly where we are supposed to be, and that all things work for our greatest good. Clare walks with love in her heart, a smile on her face, and a song on her lips, and she is never disappointed for long. Faith, she has learned, is the key. As hard as we may try, we can never give someone else what we have found, but we can live in such a way that we cause others to desire it. Clare has lived in such a way that she causes those who know her to want to know what she has found. Speaking and training is my business, and yet I know that for all the words I will ever speak, and for all the lessons I will ever attempt to impart, there will be nothing more powerful in the eyes of my children, my family, my friends, and my clients, than the way I live my life. I am grateful for all the Clare's, both past and future, who, by their very life, have helped to light the path and show the way to healthy, happy living. Copyright 2004-7 © Mary Jane Mapes, CSP All rights reserved. END | |||||||||
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